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The Book of the Howlings of Ming, Seeker After Arcane and Esoteric Truths
British Army humour 
24th-Apr-2007 12:20 am
Fire select
While browsing the Airsoft Community forums, I came across a reference to ARRSEPedia, a sort of British Army squaddie wiki. Absolutely bloody hilarious but visiting it is ill-advised if you
  1. Are in the least bit politically correct but, hey, even its section on Walts (as in Walter Mitty, as in people like me) I found bloody funny
  2. Have anything even remotely urgent that needs doing - so much for all the chores I planned to get done this evening...

Highlight has to be the Little-known Facts about the SAS e.g.
  • All UK pubs are required by law to have one alcoholic regular who used to be a member of the SAS and was one of the first pair into the Iranian Embassy
  • Since Dog Soldiers came out, all SAS weapons are loaded with silver bullets in case they meet real werewolves

or the comment that "Interestingly if all the men claiming to be ex-SAS were to stand on each others' shoulders the guy at the top would be able to piss on Mars."

Another highlight, on the RAF:
  • Strange organisation with delusions of militarism. Very good at getting money out of government until recently when they got stung for 7000 redundancies. As a service the RAF closely matches banks since they are never available after 1630hrs or at weekends. In fact working on a Wednesday is generally accepted as a no-no because it buggers up both weekends.
  • The RAF may be onto something though. In the Army it is generally the commissioned officers who send the chaps to do most of the dirty work. In the Navy the officers and the chaps have to do it together on a large floating Exocet target. The RAF is unique in that the chaps stay safe and dry in a nice, cosy bomb proof hangar while the commissioned officers are shot down and given a ferocious beasting on Al Jazeera TV

One last example, on the AK-47:
Owned by every Islamic fundamentalist, Marxist revolutionary, American gun nut, Afghan warlord, 14 year old African 'soldier', Bolivian Coke dealer, any bad guy in a Hollywood action movie as well as a disturbing number of people in Paisley
24th-Apr-2007 08:18 am (UTC)
AND how do you know about the people in Paisley having AK-47's??
I bumped into a fellow trainee yest that now works as a special in Johnston near Paisley...She says Paisley is bad at the moment for anti social disorder....Well I knew that already...plus you cant go 2 steps without almost being hit by 5 buggies with their 13-15yr old mothers *shudder* It's like babies are taking OVER!!! AAAAAAAAAA!
Not only that, while at training we were told it's rare to have to attend any deaths while on duty...this girl in Johnston has attended FOUR since last November!
24th-Apr-2007 08:28 am (UTC)
You're a Special Constable?

AND how do you know about the people in Paisley having AK-47's??

Er... pass, you'd have to take that up with whichever Squaddie wrote that entry. The following entry was written on Paisley:

Part of the greater conurbation of Glasgow, Scotland.

Birthplace of Temazepam addiction.

Has one of the most bizarre one way systems ever created.

MAC 10's and AK-47's confiscated on a regular basis making the place a bit like a wetter, colder Baghdad ... but at least you can get a drink in any of the delightful combination Dojo/taverns.
24th-Apr-2007 12:54 pm (UTC)
Yes well this has made me feel even more safe...Since I'm LIVING in Paisley!!
(not from there though!!)
No I'm not a special..I was going to be, but due to my leg problems resurficing I left. I'm glad now since I was gonna work Paisley....Paisley, or K division as it is called, is where they hold all the Airports fire arms I am told. Good to know if ever a zombie apocalypse.
25th-Apr-2007 12:20 pm (UTC)
So, any idea what the going rate for a Kalashnikov is then? ;-)
24th-Apr-2007 12:55 pm (UTC)
Oh and yes I have had complaints from people that Have tried to work round the one way system LOL, its not that bad...
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